when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
