I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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