you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
