I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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