Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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