he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize