I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
