a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
