I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wannas sexs uuuuu
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
