yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
