Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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