I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
