WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
