You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
