Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
