My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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