Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
