I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
