3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
