It's a beautiful day for a hangover
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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