I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There r osticjed everywhere
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
