You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
