Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
