I am in a vortex of obligation.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
