I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
