I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
