How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
