dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
