and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
