wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
