Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
