I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
