Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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