My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
