I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
