About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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