did you get engaged???
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
