Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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