i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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