Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
