i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
