you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
