we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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