Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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