My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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