It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
