oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
