Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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