also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize