Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
