just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
