I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
