The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
