I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
