Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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