i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
