Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize