I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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