I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
