Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
