I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize