It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I am one with the molecules
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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