Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
