why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
