if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize