I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
