im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
