the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Screwed.edu
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
