U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
