k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
