My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
