My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
