i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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