How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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